just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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