I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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