If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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