cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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