she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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