I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
