take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
