I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
