ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
