help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
