I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
