We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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