New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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