I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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