weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
