last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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