fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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