i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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