you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
