I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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