Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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