Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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