doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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