he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
