You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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