my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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