i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Barsexuality is the new black.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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