eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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