she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
