Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
