Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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