Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize