I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
smell my finger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
