i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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