Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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