I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
