So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
