I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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