my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
