have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
