I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
