I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
