why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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