His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize