So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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