mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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