Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
