Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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