Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
