I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
