is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
