Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
