oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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