And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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