I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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