the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
