the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
