At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i will never coherently bang her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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