Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I met the friendliest cop last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
