I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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