ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
