I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
