I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
