I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
