i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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