either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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