i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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