I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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