The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
