i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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