i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
