Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
